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Around Alaska's Mat-Su Valley with Pam Holen
April 19 , 2008
It always amazes me when people misunderstand a tactful and honest inquiry to a decisive issue. If a tactful and honest inquiry is given to a decisive issue – shouldn’t it be accepted without negative consequences? What I perceive as assertiveness is seen as aggressiveness – an act against the norm and threatening to the recipient. M’mm… I suppose we all believe we are tactful and honest – above reproach. Why, then, can we not get along with each other?
I belong to the only flyball club in Alaska. I joined the club after my friend, Linda Kreft (now Bullard) encouraged me to try a new competitive sport for my two younger border collies. Jessie and I’d retired from agility and were dragging our feet about competitive obedience and/or rally. Quinnie never drags her feet, she lunges and barks, telling me she is bored with obedient movement. So, after checking out the 2006 flyball tournament, we joined. Jessie runs as though she is happily trotting to a tea party. I guess when a dog reaches seven, she can trot. Quinnie adores flyball. She is a natural at the game. She loves to run, play ball, and tug – flyball. When she is on the line, her high-pitched bark echoes off the walls. It is her sport and Quinn and I have gotten quite good at it – psycho-dog and her frumpy handler.
However, after just under two years with the team, I’ve found myself at odds with them. What this frumpy handler with a psycho-dog has learned, don’t inquiry into management style, don’t question the norm - it threatens the recipient. I often wonder if a man would question the norm – show assertiveness towards management – would he be at odds with the team? Or, does each intelligent life with a healthy mind become subjective without even realizing they’ve lost their objectivity? Are we all so narrow-minded we cannot see we are narrow-minded regardless of gender?
So, here we are. Quinnie lives for flyball and we are leaving the club. “It is a total bummer,” says the frumpy handler. The bright side? I’m not the only intelligent life with a healthy mind that played the honest and tactful inquiry card. I’m not the only assertive handler who threatened the recipient – the manager of the team. I’ll miss my team mates and their spunky dogs. I’ll hope we can build another team with objectivity. I’ll hope we can value every handler and listen to their suggestions with broad, not narrow, minds and make it everyone’s team, everyone’s club, everyone’s success.
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